Try to Fix You
by Jackalsscalpel
Summary: Romance fix set during the last volume spoilers! Implied things but nothing too visual. Yuki x Shuuichi


Title: I'll Try to Fix You

Series: Gravitation (Volume 11-12)

Pairings: Shuuichi x Yuki

Theme: Song-fic "Fix You" - Coldplay

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Don't own Murakami characters. There are spoilers to the manga volumes, but it is also a little different from the actual occurrences in the manga as well. Smut

"When you try your best but you don't succeed"

Shuuichi sat, strewn across the folding chair in defeat, he couldn't think of any lyrics for the upcoming singles. He felt pressured, desperate, and very confused. His life had taken a turn for the worst, this battle with Ryuuichi, silly, and he knew it. There was no way to back out of it now though, he had rammed head-long into battle with the pop star and he'd have to go through with it, for Bad Luck's sake.

"When you get what you want, but not what you need"

Yuki's words rang along his mind's nerves, confusion at home not helping to quench his thirst for the lyrics he needed. Yuki was changing, drastically. Acknowledging him, and that scared Shuuichi a great deal. The pop singer hadn't figured out why it bothered him yet. He'd heard those melodious words several times already, the tone Yuki gave his love in sounding true, but his eyes spoke a different story. Yuki's gaze was beyond him, not even seeing him.

"When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep"

With a long sigh, Shuuichi felt, it was time to retire for the night. Picking up his notepad, which hadn't received a scribble to its blank pages, he walked out of the studio and toward home. It was nearly two in the morning already; he'd let his blank mind travel already over to the next day. As he walked, his pink hair shielding his drifting eyes, he let his mind shut down into a half-aware daze. People were irrelevant to him, even the dog, yapping at his feet as he walked, went un-noticed. If he didn't straighten up soon, he'd miss his chance... at everything.

"Stuck in reverse"

He trudged up the familiar path, to the ever-familiar complex, and the gravely familiar apartment which he and Yuki dwelled. Shuuichi fumbled with his keys, it was nice to have a set of those finally; he was able to come home whenever he pleased. He unlocked the door and pushed into the dark apartment, tossing his notebook onto the couch, sinking into the leather beside the papers. The material felt nice on his bare shoulders, cool and calming, but only for brief moments. The sound of light whimpers would quickly draw his attention from relaxation.

"And the tears come streaming down your face"

Poking his little head just beyond the crack of the door he saw his lover, always at his desk. Yuki wasn't working this time though, his body was slouched and his head hung low so his chin settled to his chest. Stepping in, Shuuichi softly advanced toward his blonde companion, unable to create a single emotion within his reaction. His Yuki was crying, though oblivious to his tears as he slept. Extending his hand, the younger male moved to wake the novelist, halting at his lover's whispers.

"When you lose something you can't replace"

Shuuichi lowered his arm at the sound of Kitazawa's name once again passing the blonde's lips. It tore him apart, as it did every time Yuki thought of his teacher over his own lover. No, Shuuichi knew Yuki never saw him; only his lost past. With a sad smile, he pulled the small blanket kept in the writer's workroom over the sleeping male's frame. With light steps he faded away into the living room once more, heading toward the bathroom.

"When you love someone, but it goes to waste"

A shower would make the boy feel, maybe, just a little better. The thought of washing away under the steaming heat of a long shower was ideal to Shuuichi right now. His clothes felt ratty, though he had not worn them for more than a day. He realized, he just indeed felt disgusted, so in his simplistic brain so did his clothes. He slipped out of the baggy shirt, sitting on the toilet seat to untie his shoes. Another tired sigh escaped his over-rehearsed lips, tossing one shoe, and then another, to the opposite side of the bathroom.

"Could it be worse?"

Standing, Shuuichi moved to the vanity, un-hooking his belt as he went. He stared back at his reflection, staring back into his reflection's eyes. He saw himself there, why couldn't Yuki? His fingers traced over his mirror image, falling to his side as the other hand worked on helping him out of his khaki's. His belt landed perfectly upon his shoes when he tossed it carelessly behind him, letting his pants fall to the floor. His boxers followed suit and Shuuichi stepped into the oncoming spray of water as he entered the shower.

"Lights will guide you home"

The singer let his eyes slide closed, the water temperature rising to a tranquil warmth that glided along his body. Settling his forehead against the wall, he bit his lip as it quivered with the oncoming threat of tears. Shuuichi's head shot up at the sound of footsteps, catching Yuki as his clothes fell beside the others on the floor. He straightened as the blonde neared him, moving into his lover's embrace without a question. He pushed up into Yuki's hungry lips, the water rinsing over them causing a new sensation to his relaxed body.

"And I will try to fix you"

Shuuichi sunk back into his lover's embrace, giving in to the urge to nuzzle his cheek on Yuki's collar. Keyboard worn fingers trailed down their artist's body possessively, securing a tight hold around Shuuichi's hips. The boy's mind faded off with the sweet smell of his love capturing his nose, but his mind faded into depression. Shuuichi seemed incapable of happy thoughts, even in the arms of the man he most adored.

"And high up above or down below"

Slowly pulling away from the taller male's frame, the pink haired wonder pushed toward their room. His mind ran horrid with thoughts of who Yuki could be thinking he was when they made love. He would never ask Yuki the answer would devastate him. Confused by Shuuichi's lack of affection Yuki followed behind, worry marrying his brow. He knew Shuuichi was stressed about the upcoming singles, but this seemed more than that. Normally sex helped to calm Shuuichi, as well as himself, but as it wasn't the case this time, Yuki found something very wrong.

"When you're too in love to let go"

"How was work?" Yuki ruffled his hair with the towel he had grabbed on his way out of the bathroom, soon pulling Shuuichi to him with a quick wrap of the item around the boy's neck. "I don't want to talk about it," Shuuichi grunted, just wanting to slide into bed and sleep his worries away, but Yuki wasn't having it. Pulling his tiny diva against his chest with the help of the damp towel, the writer tried again. "How are you?"

"But if you never try, you'll never know"

Shuuichi groaned, pulling back against the cloth restraining him. "I said I don't want to talk about it. Why do you suddenly want to talk? We fucked… now can we just go to bed?" The singer was definitely in a mood now, too many thoughts running through his over-worked head. His eyes widened at the hurt in his lover's watching Yuki pull away and move to the bed. "Yuki... I..."

"Just what you're worth"

"Leave me alone, you're annoying me," The blonde sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing a pair of boxers which had been left carelessly on the floor. He slipped them on at the same moment his other hand went for his pack of cigarette's, he was angry now. Yuki just didn't get it. First Shuuichi wanted him to be more open, tell him he loved him, and now he wanted to be left alone? How could he express his care for the boy without going against everything he was? Pacing out of the room, he ignored Shuuichi's wails of protest, deciding work seemed easier then trying to figure the moron out.

"Light will guide you home"

With a pouting lip remaining, Shuuichi collapsed onto the bed, staring at the door which Yuki had left through. What had that look been about, there had been such emotion, but it still was so distant. Becoming enraged, Shuuichi smacked his arms and feet against the bed, growling at the ceiling as if it was the plasters fault. He sighed after a moment, exhaustion finally overtaking him, allowing his dreams to chase him.

"And ignite your bones"

Yuki lit his smoke, settling into his recliner with a deep sigh, flipping the laptop on. He didn't really want to work, he more so wanted to go back to bed, but he knew Shuuichi needed his space. His golden eyes scanned over the latest work on his computer, a small smile quirking on the edge of his lips. It spoke of a character who was low on wit but radiated with an alluring charm. His view of the most important person in his life, the only way he could express the feelings burning deep inside.

"And I will try to fix you"

Turning his face to his workroom door, Yuki almost hoped to see a certain bubbly airhead asking to fix them breakfast. He had slept in front of his computer again, no blanket wrapped around his form suggested Shuuichi had not cared. Clambering into the hallway and toward the kitchen he saw no sign of his roommate, the missing notebook and backpack that normally sat on the coffee table signaling his absence. Yuki would obtain his caffeine fix for the morning and think nothing more of it.

"Tears stream down your face"

Shuuichi blubbered to his band member's about his lack of lyrics, Nittle Grasper's final debut only days away. They had nothing; if Shuuichi couldn't get his act together by the performance, Bad Luck was doomed. The diva sat in the same place he had yesterday for hours, trying to come up with a final song; he wasn't having any luck. Yuki had offered lyrics, why had he not just taken them? Things would have been much easier. Shuuichi shook his head furiously, putting his pen back to the paper. He would prove that he didn't need Yuki.

"When you lose something you cannot replace"

Ryuuichi sat with Tohma during the planning of their final single debut, Kuma settled on his lap, forgotten for once. "Toohhmmaa" The pop star grinned, the smile turning soft and sad, Tohma giving him a questioning glance. "Let's just have the best of fun, okay? After all, Nittle Grasper is done when Shuuichi debuts. Shuuichi will shine bright, bright as the moon -" Ryuuichi stood, giving Tohma no time to respond as he bounded off, dragging Kumagorou along with him. "Time for snacks!"

"Tears stream down your face"

Turning a corner, Ryuuichi stared down at Kuma, giving his little bunny that same sad smile as earlier. "He'll shine real bright, won't he, Kuma? Brighter than any of us." A few wet drops sprinkled on the pink creatures head, it's carrier continuing on down the hall. If the stuffed animal could talk it would simply agree. It would understand Ryuuichi wasn't upset because Shuuichi was better than him, but because Shuuichi would learn how to live without limitations. One day, Ryuuichi would obtain his dreams too.

"And I..."

Shuuichi's plan was to crash the Nittle Grasper appearance, in his brain it was the most brilliant idea he'd come up with. However, there was a glitch, he still didn't have any lyrics. He'd stayed at the studio all night prior to the event, trying his hardest to flesh out something that resembled a song. The best he'd come up with was 'my dog is red and blue and really loves you' There was no way people would buy such crap and he knew it. He'd just have to play it by ear.

"Tears stream down your face"

When it was time for the concert, all the fans moshed together in once chorus of endless screams, Shuuichi readied his plan. He still had no lyrics, he'd hoped to come up with something on their way there, but his brain just wasn't into it. He refused any ghostwriter's as well, including Yuki whom he'd already turned down ages ago. As he was tossed on stage, destroying Nittle Grasper's entrance he stood caught by fear.

"I promise you I will learn from my mistakes"

Yuki stood in the back of the crowd, a place he seemed to visit frequently when Bad Luck was taking the stage. Catching Shuuichi's eyes he signaled for the boy to read the back of his notepad, this was the last thing Yuki could think to do for him. Shuuichi took in the lyrics without really reading them, inwardly throwing a fit at Yuki's inconsideration of his need to make his own lyrics. Defying them all, no lyrics at all, he hummed. In the background, standing beside a baffled Tohma, Shuuichi's rival idle wasn't happier.

"Tears stream down your face"

Shuuichi had proved to them all he could do it, without anyone's, in fact any, lyrics at all. He would be a legend, worthy of Sakuma-san's place, even if it took humming to get there. Meeting Yuki after the performance Shuuichi had to question his lover's intentions. Had he really thought he couldn't do anything without him, like everyone else? it was time to question his worth to the writer, and there was no baking out.

"And I..."

"I wrote those lyrics, but you're still not happy. What else can I do? What else is left? I don't want to lose everything again" Yuki rested against the wall, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes before they ran down his cheeks and gave him away. Yuki was lost, darkness closing in on him, they kept fading in different directions, how was he suppose to catch Shuuichi now? How could he ever imagine keeping up?

"Light will guide you home"

"Yuki, who's more important to you; that dead Kitazawa, or me? I need to know," Shuuichi's eyes watched his lover intently, waiting for his answer with a growing regret for asking the question. Here was where it came; here was where he learned just how little he meant to Yuki. In turn, the blonde remained mute, he couldn't answer, couldn't think, what was the correct thing to say to keep Shuuichi by his side. Yuki's eye clearly expressed his fears, his hands clenching in his pockets as he searched within himself for the answer.

"And ignite in your bones"

Something shot through Shuuichi as he watched Yuki silently tripping over himself. He noticed something, which made every difference in the world and quieted every doubt in the singer's mind. Yuki was no longer looking over his shoulder, dodging the question with a normal smart-ass remark; he was really hung up on getting this right. That was Yuki's problem, Shuuichi realized; he could never make up his mind. "There can be more than one number one" Shuuichi smiled, stepping toward Yuki, staring up at his precious companion. "Just give me a kiss, and I'll explain later," Leaning down, Yuki obliged, hearing Shuuichi's whisper before their lips met.

"And I will try to fix you"


End file.
